Throughout my pubescent and post pubescent life I have been told over and over again how to prevent pregnancy, that women can get pregnant at any point, no time is ‘safe.’ Statistically speaking, yes all this is true. The implication, however, that women can get pregnant quickly and at any point, is hard to get over when it’s not happening.
When we first began our journey into parenthood… Or at least trying to begin it… I researched like crazy. What are the chances? Will it happen? What if it doesn’t? Ah! My body feels different I must be pregnant! But those ‘scares’ and worries and wondering a came back with: there is only a 25% chance even if every circumstance is met; give it a year; all of your symptoms are early pregnancy symptoms, you might be, take a test every three days until you menstruate.
Conceiving doesn’t just happen for a lot of women. It takes time. A challenge for us, is that we have to lower our expectations and be okay with each month bringing another batch of negative tests. Because each negative result ultimately screams in my mind: there’s something wrong with me.
It’s early. We aren’t without hope or options. And in some ways this may be the best thing for us. It has caused me to look at my weight and fitness and decide to do something about it. It has allowed me to jump at further my education and ultimately my career. We feel led and called to be parents. We want it now. But our timing is not perfect, and so we work toward the now, hoping for that extra line one of these months, but not banking on it.